Finding your balance:
Dealing with a cancer diagnosis or any other chronic illness starts an internal tug of war for both patients and family members. There is a balance between acknowledging the difficulty of facing a life changing diagnosis, the sorrow, the anger and the frustration, with the strength needed to get through gathering and processing the information.
There is a balance between being strong for your friends and family, and taking help from them.
How do people do it?
-They acknowledge the negatives and focus on the positives.
-They use the resources they have: friends and family, community and religious affiliations, religious or secular beliefs.
-They use support groups, and meditation and relaxation techniques.
-They keep busy, and take time to enjoy small moments and pleasures.
-They call on inner reserves even they didn’t know they had.
-They decide what is important and what is not. One of my friends used to fret over the many small irritants in our day to day lives. Sadly, her husband was diagnosed with an incurable cancer, and as they struggled over the next 2 years, and he ultimately died, she came to realize that those issues were too trivial to fret over.
Another colleague of mine decided to step down from a Director position. It was adding too much to her work involvement, and taking time away from her family. Her husband had finally recovered from a major medical procedure, and it clarified her priorities, that she only wanted focus on patient care, not on administrative duties.
-I have many patients who find it therapeutic to keep working and fully engaged and occupied. Work provides a routine and a social structure in addition to keeping your mind off your illness. Work provides an outlet for the caregiver as well. My father suffered from a long and debilitating illness, and my mother was his main caregiver. She managed to take loving care of him over 10 long years, because she set up a complicated system of daily sitters while she managed to go to work every day. She changed jobs so she could work close by and come back home on lunch breaks and take care of him, but work provided a much-needed outlet.
The mind-body connection has been studied in many fields of health. Mindfulness is a way of life that teaches people to be aware of their physical and mental Being. It can be traced back to ancient Buddhist and Chinese traditions. It has been useful in helping people deal with high blood pressure, nutrition and weight management, diabetes, heart disease and other medical conditions. It can be a way of dealing with anxiety disorders. It can be a useful tool to cope with physical and mental aspects of the disease and treatment.
People cope by finding their own balance.